As a child growing up in the 1980s and early 1990s, my ADHD and mental health issues did not get the attention they deserved nor diagnosed. I guess it just wasn’t a thing back then. I was told I was just a very naughty child and I needed to JUST stop. If only it was that easy! I was expelled from my infant’s school at five years old (a record I have never, ever heard anyone beat!). I was put into a school with a special unit for troubled kids. Some of these kids come from broken homes, which wasn’t the story with me. I considered myself very lucky growing up. I came from a loving home and wanted for nothing. So, this proves to me it’s an inside job.
I played at my first nightclub in 1993 aged just 13. Ever since, I have been sharing my love for music in clubs and bars across London, Essex and Hertfordshire. My passion for vocal music as well as off the cuff tracks has provided me with long term residences in clubs all over the Southeast, as well as a three-year residency in Faliraki in my early 20s.
I have played at clubs and events in Ibiza, Marbella, France and Thailand, to name just a few countries. I have also been honoured to play at events all over the world alongside some of the biggest names in the industry, and at some of the UK’s biggest festivals, including We Are FSTVL, Standon Calling, Eastern Electrics Festival, Back of Beyond Hi Festival and Wilkstock to name a few.
As well as running my own nights in London and the Southeast, I have played at celebrity parties including The Brits Awards after-parties, Big Brother wrap parties and numerous media and fashion industry events, including OK Magazine events and various fashion shows. This year I launched my own event and played for the first time at O Beach, Ibiza, which looks set to become an annual residency.
But my career achievements aside, back to childhood. I was lucky that school straightened me out (a bit), and I eventually left that special class and was allowed to mix with the normal kids. Let’s put it like this – if staring out the window and daydreaming was a sport, I would have been a world champion. As a child, I honestly thought that my daydreaming, distractibility and inattentiveness was normal. I can only describe having a head that runs around a hundred miles an hour and a brain like a washing machine – how could I know any different?
At the age of 13, I was running under 18s parties. Then at 16, I started DJ’ing in night clubs at over 18 events, and that’s where my addiction journey really began. I didn’t realise I suffered with mental health problems. I didn’t know my head was a mess; combine this with starting to take drugs at 16 and I was off and running (but nowhere fast).
I always knew what I was doing was wrong, I always knew I had developed an addiction, but I just couldn’t stop. Drink, drugs and women were my favourite pastimes, and I would (unfortunately) step over anyone to get what I wanted. My mind was just scrambled 24/7 and I couldn’t work out the true from the false. On the outside, my life looked superficially amazing. But there was always a dark cloud following me everywhere – that dark cloud was my mind. My using got worse, my mind got darker, and I found myself in a place where I thought I was going to die!
In 2014, at the age of 34, I got clean from all mind-altering substances. This wasn’t an overnight process, and that decision was not made easily. I had been going to 12-step recovery meetings on and off for over four years, but one day I hit my rock bottom, and I have never looked back. I’ve been clean ever since, God willing, one day at a time.
Since then, my life has only gone one way, and that’s up! The fog cleared, and my world opened up. I know I’ll be an addict until the day I die, but I’m so grateful to understand my ADHD brain and that I had been self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. I finally found out who I was. I had spent years feeling lost and not understanding why my ADHD brain functioned the way it did.
My recovery comes first, and I work on myself every day to help my mental well-being. Recovery is the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do at night. I know recovery is about action and change, and that’s what I have to do to be a better person. I wasn’t bad before I was just lost and unwell, it was the drink and drugs which made me do bad things. The 12-steps helped me clear some of my pain and trauma out my life, and recognise that self-medicating is never the answer.
Seven years into being clean and sober, I was diagnosed with ADHD, a process I was very grateful for. I just couldn’t work on my head was the way it was, why I couldn’t sit still, why my concentration was like a goldfish. Medication is not for me personally (especially because I feel as if I have gone through great big chunks of my life self-medicating with substances and that for me is enough!). I now actively explore and seek out natural ways to quiet and calm my mind. Cold water swimming, meditation, gym, breath work, healthy eating and clean living are just a few of the tools in my toolkit!
My addictive personality will always be there, but on a positive note, it is that which helps me achieve some amazing things in life! Since being clean and sober, I have run four marathons, completed a half iron man and cycled to Paris – everything I do I take to the extreme. I will always be looking for that next high, but I know I can achieve this stuff and more – clean, sober and with an open heart – anything is possible.
Since getting clean, I am now a married man with a beautiful, supportive wife. I have launched my own events company and run events all over the UK and in Ibiza. I have played at some amazing festivals and work alongside some of these big festivals to help run them successfully (which is much easier with a sober head). As well as DJ’ing, I love to engage in charity work and recently took my DJ skills to bring joy to children in Uganda. I know that helping others is key for my recovery and well-being. Helping others recover is a big part of my life and it’s vital to keep me well, so that’s why when I was asked to be an ambassador with Nutritious Minds Trust - it was an organisation that is very close to my heart – you can’t go wrong eating healthily and exercising. These are just two ways we can heal our brains and keep our minds calm and energised.
I would advise anyone struggling that there is help and answers available - you have firstly got to want to change and be prepared to go outside your comfort zone. The first step is to make a decision to change and seek out the help you need. It is never too late. Ultimately, I think we have to be the change we want to see in ourselves and the world.
I played at my first nightclub in 1993 aged just 13. Ever since, I have been sharing my love for music in clubs and bars across London, Essex and Hertfordshire. My passion for vocal music as well as off the cuff tracks has provided me with long term residences in clubs all over the Southeast, as well as a three-year residency in Faliraki in my early 20s.
I have played at clubs and events in Ibiza, Marbella, France and Thailand, to name just a few countries. I have also been honoured to play at events all over the world alongside some of the biggest names in the industry, and at some of the UK’s biggest festivals, including We Are FSTVL, Standon Calling, Eastern Electrics Festival, Back of Beyond Hi Festival and Wilkstock to name a few.
As well as running my own nights in London and the Southeast, I have played at celebrity parties including The Brits Awards after-parties, Big Brother wrap parties and numerous media and fashion industry events, including OK Magazine events and various fashion shows. This year I launched my own event and played for the first time at O Beach, Ibiza, which looks set to become an annual residency.
But my career achievements aside, back to childhood. I was lucky that school straightened me out (a bit), and I eventually left that special class and was allowed to mix with the normal kids. Let’s put it like this – if staring out the window and daydreaming was a sport, I would have been a world champion. As a child, I honestly thought that my daydreaming, distractibility and inattentiveness was normal. I can only describe having a head that runs around a hundred miles an hour and a brain like a washing machine – how could I know any different?
At the age of 13, I was running under 18s parties. Then at 16, I started DJ’ing in night clubs at over 18 events, and that’s where my addiction journey really began. I didn’t realise I suffered with mental health problems. I didn’t know my head was a mess; combine this with starting to take drugs at 16 and I was off and running (but nowhere fast).
I always knew what I was doing was wrong, I always knew I had developed an addiction, but I just couldn’t stop. Drink, drugs and women were my favourite pastimes, and I would (unfortunately) step over anyone to get what I wanted. My mind was just scrambled 24/7 and I couldn’t work out the true from the false. On the outside, my life looked superficially amazing. But there was always a dark cloud following me everywhere – that dark cloud was my mind. My using got worse, my mind got darker, and I found myself in a place where I thought I was going to die!
In 2014, at the age of 34, I got clean from all mind-altering substances. This wasn’t an overnight process, and that decision was not made easily. I had been going to 12-step recovery meetings on and off for over four years, but one day I hit my rock bottom, and I have never looked back. I’ve been clean ever since, God willing, one day at a time.
Since then, my life has only gone one way, and that’s up! The fog cleared, and my world opened up. I know I’ll be an addict until the day I die, but I’m so grateful to understand my ADHD brain and that I had been self-medicating with drugs and alcohol. I finally found out who I was. I had spent years feeling lost and not understanding why my ADHD brain functioned the way it did.
My recovery comes first, and I work on myself every day to help my mental well-being. Recovery is the first thing I do when I wake up and the last thing I do at night. I know recovery is about action and change, and that’s what I have to do to be a better person. I wasn’t bad before I was just lost and unwell, it was the drink and drugs which made me do bad things. The 12-steps helped me clear some of my pain and trauma out my life, and recognise that self-medicating is never the answer.
Seven years into being clean and sober, I was diagnosed with ADHD, a process I was very grateful for. I just couldn’t work on my head was the way it was, why I couldn’t sit still, why my concentration was like a goldfish. Medication is not for me personally (especially because I feel as if I have gone through great big chunks of my life self-medicating with substances and that for me is enough!). I now actively explore and seek out natural ways to quiet and calm my mind. Cold water swimming, meditation, gym, breath work, healthy eating and clean living are just a few of the tools in my toolkit!
My addictive personality will always be there, but on a positive note, it is that which helps me achieve some amazing things in life! Since being clean and sober, I have run four marathons, completed a half iron man and cycled to Paris – everything I do I take to the extreme. I will always be looking for that next high, but I know I can achieve this stuff and more – clean, sober and with an open heart – anything is possible.
Since getting clean, I am now a married man with a beautiful, supportive wife. I have launched my own events company and run events all over the UK and in Ibiza. I have played at some amazing festivals and work alongside some of these big festivals to help run them successfully (which is much easier with a sober head). As well as DJ’ing, I love to engage in charity work and recently took my DJ skills to bring joy to children in Uganda. I know that helping others is key for my recovery and well-being. Helping others recover is a big part of my life and it’s vital to keep me well, so that’s why when I was asked to be an ambassador with Nutritious Minds Trust - it was an organisation that is very close to my heart – you can’t go wrong eating healthily and exercising. These are just two ways we can heal our brains and keep our minds calm and energised.
I would advise anyone struggling that there is help and answers available - you have firstly got to want to change and be prepared to go outside your comfort zone. The first step is to make a decision to change and seek out the help you need. It is never too late. Ultimately, I think we have to be the change we want to see in ourselves and the world.
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